sexta-feira, fevereiro 10, 2006

Monthy Python, a máfia, a SGAE, Linux e Bruxelas

Quando penso na SGAE e na eficácia dos seus métodos lembro um sketch dos Monty Python no que um grupo de mafiosi trata de fazer extorsão o exército britânico mediante a clássica oferta de “protecção”. Um genial Graham Chapman interpreta a um descolocado coronel, a quem Terry Jones e Michael Palin, com trajes pretas às riscas brancas, sombreiro e de palito na boca, explicam:

Sergeant: Two civilian gentlemen to see you ... sir!
Colonel: Show them in please, sergeant.
Sergeant: Mr Dino Vercotti and Mr Luigi Vercotti. The Vercotti brothers enter. They wear Mafia suits and dark glasses.
Dino:Good morning, colonel.
Colonel : Good morning gentlemen. Now what can I do for you.
Luigi (looking round office casually): You've ... you've got a nice army base here, colonel.
Colonel: Yes.
Luigi: We wouldn't want anything to happen to it.
Colonel: What?
Dino: No, what my brother means is it would be a shame if... (he knocks something off mantel)
Colonel: Oh.
Dino: Oh sorry, colonel.
Colonel: Well don't worry about that. But please do sit down.
Luigi: No, we prefer to stand, thank you, colonel.
Colonel :All right. All right. But what do you want?
Dino: What do we want, ha ha ha.
Luigi: Ha ha ha, very good, colonel.
Dino: The colonel's a joker, Luigi.
Luigi: Explain it to the colonel, Dino.
Dino: How many tanks you got, colonel?
Colonel: About five hundred altogether.
Luigi: Five hundred! Hey?
Dino: You ought to be careful, colonel.
Colonel: We are careful, extremely careful.
Dino: 'Cos things break, don't they?
Colonel: Break?
Luigi:Well everything breaks, don't it colonel. (he breaks something on desk) Oh dear.
Dino:Oh see my brother's clumsy colonel, and when he gets unhappy he breaks things. Like say, he don't feel the army's playing fair by him, he may start breaking things, colonel.
Colonel:What is all this about?
Luigi: How many men you got here, colonel?
Colonel: Oh, er ... seven thousand infantry, six hundred artillery, and er, two divisions of paratroops.
Luigi: Paratroops, Dino.
Dino: Be a shame if someone was to set fire to them.
Colonel: Set fire to them?
Luigi: Fires happen, colonel.
Dino: Things burn.
Colonel: Look, what is all this about?
Dino: My brother and I have got a little proposition for you colonel.
Luigi: Could save you a lot of bother.
Dino: I mean you're doing all right here aren't you, colonel.
Luigi: Well suppose some of your tanks was to get broken and troops started getting lost, er, fights started breaking out during general inspection, like.
Dino: It wouldn't be good for business would it, colonel?
Colonel: Are you threatening me?
Dino: Oh, no, no, no.
Luigi: Whatever made you think that, colonel?
Dino: The colonel doesn't think we're nice people, Luigi.
Luigi: We're your buddies, colonel.
Dino: We want to look after you.
Colonel: Look after me?
Luigi: We can guarantee you that not a single armoured division will get done over for fifteen bob a week.
Colonel: No, no, no.
Luigi: Twelve and six.
Colonel: No, no, no.
Luigi: Eight and six ... five bob...

Os métodos da SGAE são os dos mafiosos italo-americanos das películas de Coppola: usam da força para tratar de controlar um mercado do que tirar talhada. Nem mais nem menos. O dinheiro é uma obsessão para eles e por isso o simples conceito de software livre resulta-lhes tão aberrante como a descarga ilegal de música ou películas da rede. Como os fanáticos, já não distinguem branco de preto. Menos mal que todavia queda alguém disposto a parar-lhes os pés.


Nota: o sketch dos Monty Python pertence ao episódio 8 da primeira tempada, intitulado Full Frontal Nudity.

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